What is going on with me?

I think that in the beginning your problem began with self- consciousness and low self esteem. Then when it became a long term situation, you felt alone. I believe you are depressed and should look into getting anti- depressants. Also, a hobby might help a new circle of friends. You cant expect those friends to be there forever as you are in college and everyone is going different places in life. The last thing you should do is commit suicide, just dont do it. If you cant live for yourself, live for someone else. Also, try to get medicaid, they provide free counselors and therapists.